Tuesday, June 05, 2007

A Men's Movement Dictionary

Credit is given to RandomMan for posting this at Men's Activism News Network. I added one or two extra.

  • Women seeking equal treatment = "Feminism"
  • Men seeking equal treatment = "Backlash"
  • Discrimination against men = "Equal opportunity"
  • Discrimination against women = "Discrimination"
  • A woman with grievances = "Victim"
  • A man with grievances = "Angry/irrational"
  • Open discussion of gender issues = "Misogyny"
  • Men looking for equal treatment in the courts = "Abuse of the system"
  • Consensual sex between a man and woman = "Rape"
  • Heated discussion between a man and woman = "Domestic violence"
  • Women receiving preferential treatment/privileges = "Equality"
  • A numeric majority of the human species = "Minority"
  • Any woman = "Victim"
  • Any man = "Oppressor"
  • Any child = "Property"
  • A woman talking about hating men = "Empowerment"
  • A man talking about hating women = "Hate speech"
  • A sexually predatory woman dressed like a hooker = "Liberation"
  • A man with any interest in sex = "Rapist"
  • A woman who wants to be with her children = "Mother"
  • A man who wants to be with his children = "Abuser"
  • A man who forces children under his care/authority into sex = "Pedophile"
  • A woman who forces children under her care/authority into sex = "The child was lucky"
  • A shelter providing emergency services to abused women = "Women's shelter"
  • A shelter providing any services to abused men = "Prison"
  • Female genital mutilation = "Sexual repression"
  • Male genital mutilation = "Acceptable custom that protects women from HIV"
  • A man assaulting a women = "Domestic violence"
  • A woman assaulting a man = "Humor"
  • A man who beats his female partner = "Batterer"
  • A woman who beats her male partner = "Victim"
  • A disposable slave = "Man"
  • A human being = "Woman"
  • Hating women = "A crime"
  • Hating men = "An honorable and viable political act" (Robin Morgan)
  • Distorting or lying about reality = "Feminist Analysis"
  • Biology = "Lies"
  • The Truth = "A myth. An instrument of the Patriarchy designed to silence women".
  • False accusations = "The Truth"

There's a Lot of It About

Cecilia's email reminded me of my brother's case, which is quite similar. He was married for 24 years and has four children. He had a good job, and he worked long hours to support his family. His wife started having an affair with another man, but when he confronted her about his suspicions, she told him he had a dirty mind. In fact, she tried to convince him he was going mad and needed to see a doctor.

Behind his back, she was furnishing another house, by running up debts on credit cards. When the new house was ready, she took the three youngest kids and left him. She didn't want the oldest boy, and told him to stay with his dad. She set up home with this new man, leaving my brother with the credit card debts. She also defrauded money from other members of her family, and from the state benefit system. When she had used up her credit limit, she took out loans under the name of her dead mother. Each child had a trust fund to pay for college, which was set up by their grandparents. She had spent all of these as well. My brother didn't know about any of this until she moved out with the kids. He had had his suspicions before that, but no definite proof.

He obviously sought a divorce. He was paying her money every week for child support, and his lawyer advised him not to, but to apply to the Child Support Agency instead. As soon as he did this, she prevented him from seeing his children.

The stress forced him to give up his career. He took a low-level driving job for one of his friends instead. One day he happened to be driving down the street in which his ex-wife lives. She saw him, called the police and accused him of stalking her. The first thing he knew about this was when the police came to his house and arrested him. He spent the night in a cell, but no charges were brought, for the simple reason that there was no evidence.

His wife began a campaign of harassment against him. He began to receive abusive letters, both at home and at work. She was trying to get him fired from his job so that he would be forced to sell the house, and she would be able to get access to the capital as part of her divorce settlement. He handed all of the letters over to the police, but no charges were brought. She also made false accusations of domestic violence against him as part of the legal battle. It is very likely that her lawyers advised her to do this. She has also poisoned the children against him, convincing them that he is a monster.

He fought through the courts for three years for access to his children and got nowhere. He was unable to pay his lawyers, and they threatened to drop the case, meaning he would have to start all over again. He was forced to borrow thousands from his employer to pursue the case.

He eventually got a divorce settlement which meant that he kept the house, so he was relatively lucky. However, he hasn’t seen his three youngest children in four years. They are now living in a very bad neighbourhood with a high crime rate.

He has had to battle the legal system to obtain copies of his children’s school reports. It seems that all of them have suffered greatly. One of the boys is seeing an educational psychologist. The youngest girl was up in front of a children’s panel for ‘inappropriate sexual behaviour’. He has no idea what this means, and no-one will tell him. He is terrified that his ex-wife’s new partner is abusing the girl, but there is nothing he can do about it.

The children’s grandparents are also completely removed from the children’s lives. My parents never see their grandchildren, and are unable even to send them a birthday card.

My brother is putting away money for the children every month, in the hope that one day he will be able to give it to them.

Everyone – his lawyers, myself and others – have advised him just to give up on his children. The battle to see them was killing him and achieving nothing. His divorce is complete, he still has the house, his health and sanity, and he has a very nice new girlfriend. They don’t live together, and he has sworn never to re-marry. It simply isn’t worth it.

As far as I know – and I have questioned him at length about this – he has done nothing wrong. She just got bored, and wanted a change. Instead of being honest about it, she decided to play the role of the ‘battered woman’, in order to milk the system for more money.

The system is now set up in such a way that women have incentives to lie and make false accusations, and men have absolutely no rights whatsoever. As long as the syste, provides women with incentives to act in this way, they will continue to do so.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Can anyone help?

I received this email today:

"I'm a grandmother in TX.

I recently found your site while searching for help for my son who has been devastated by the biased, corrupt judicial and family court system for the past 4 years. I know of at least 52 men that have also been discriminated against in our area. If you can't help us, maybe you know of someplace that can, as I've not found anyplace in my 4 year search..

My son was falsely accused of domestic violence by his wife in 2003. She was mad at him for trying to stop her from spending all their money on meth and cocaine again. She rubbed her neck and made red marks, and when the officer arrived he asked, "What happened to your neck, did he try to strangle you?" She said "Yes, he tried to strangle me" which was a blatant lie.

That was the beginning of a nightmare in the justice system that seems like it will never be over.

My son was pressured to accept a guilty plea and was given a year probation and other things. He filed for divorce and his son and step-son (her son from a previous boyfriend) went with him to our home. She was too involved with drinking, doing drugs and sleeping with other men to care about them.

Things were OK until a couple of months later when she attacked him while high on drugs, trying to bash his brains in, knocking his glasses off and mangling them. He was nearly knocked out and all he saw was stars, and reflexively threw his arm up to block another blow, accidentally making contact with her while she was coming in for another attack. He connected with her totally by accident while nearly unconscious.

When the police arrived they ignored his injuries and arrested him. He tried to ask them why he was being arrested when she was the one that attacked him, and was told "It's not up for debate so be quiet." They only took her statement, which was lies, and refused to even take a statement from him, assuming he was guilty automatically because he's male.

A few months later (while my son was in jail and the children were still living with us while she continued to party) a women's violence place here told her they would give her cash and other benefits if she would claim she "feared for her life" and get a restraining order, so she did. They paid her to lie! When it was produced for my son to sign he explicitly asked if it would affect his rights to his son, and was told it would not but was only to stay away from her, which was another blatant lie.

This organization was the same one that was contacted previously by my son asking for help with the violence and drug use by his wife. They told him they don't have any help for men except as an abuser.. They told him if a male comes in there looking for help as the abused, they tell him to leave immediately, they can't help him. We soon found out there isn't a single place for males to get help with an abusive female in their lives. All programs are only for women and against men. It was surprising considering at least one-third of abuse victims are men.

The protective order took everyone from these children's lives, their father as well as us grandparents who were caring for them while she partied. She was not interested in caring for them and was not even capable of caring for them, but that didn't matter to the biased, corrupt system. When we had to deliver them to her my little 3-year-old grandson ran down the center of the street crying and screaming for us and there was nothing at all we could do. I cry still when I think of the pain he felt. His mother didn't even have the wits about her to comfort him but just walked away. We stopped of course and comforted him and then had to hand him to one of the men she was with. The system killed us all that day.

We learned a few days later that she had left them with a heroin addict. We tried to get help from CPS but were told she can leave them with whoever she wants since she's their mother. We told them of other abuse and neglect we knew of. A few weeks later we contacted them again and asked them if they were investigating. They informed us that she had moved so they could do nothing. We learned later that the women's organization had financed her move to another state, so that CPS could not investigate her. We didn't even know where they were for over a year.

The laws pertaining to domestic violence assault accusations are bizarre and confusing to say the least. There seems to be no time limitations on how many times the one charge can be brought into court, or the number of warrants and bonds issued, where the accused doesn't even know about it until he's arrested again.

My son has been through court settings 3 different times in two different courtrooms, and it has been dismissed 3 times, only to be brought back and started all over again. He didn't hear anything for nearly two years and then it was back again, right when he was making some headway in getting some rights to his son. There has now been 4 separate warrants and 4 bonds paid, and numerous court dates in different courtrooms on this one charge over the past 4 years.

He has not been allowed to have contact with his child for over 4 years, except for 5 months when he had temporary custody when the mother abandoned their son. He did great with his father and was happy, healthy and very well cared for.

The mother regained sole custody as soon as the women's organization went back to court with her claiming my son was allegedly violent. This organization took up her cause to get what she wants at any cost to my grandson and everyone else. They provide free attorneys and all expenses paid for, while my son has to pay all his own expenses. My son has fought for parental rights in family court but has none. The judge once even told him he was too obsessed with seeing his son. It has taken everything we all have, financially and emotionally, but he still has no rights at all. He's always been a loving father and there's no sane reason his child should ever have been kept from him.

We also learned the biased family court judge that refused him rights, regularly participated in fund raisers for the organization that provided her pro bono attorneys and all expenses. In return the organization donates thousands back to the judge's re-election in order to keep an anti-father ally on the bench.

We have proven there has been severe neglect, abuse and abandonment by the mother, yet my son has no rights to even protect his own child. Everything from my grandson being absent or tardy from school much of the time (she has been fined and jailed for this), to being taped up and tormented by her boyfriends, to a drunk guy staggering into their bedroom in the middle of the night and passing out in a pile of puke on their bedroom floor, to being abandoned while she spent a week with her boyfriend in the city-and there's a lot more! They just don't care!

My entire family (especially my son and grandson) have been destroyed emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually. We live in constant depression, anxiety and sorrow- terrified for my grandson's safety, praying my son can cope and not have to resort to suicide. At the very least we know all our lives have been forever shattered.

In June my son will finally get the hearing he has been requesting for 4 years. Four years of being threatened and harassed by the prosecution, told they will make sure he doesn't see his child for a long time unless he pleads guilty. The prosecutor has worked alongside his exes attorney to keep him from having any rights, all because they're pissed off that he had the nerve to ask for a trial instead of taking a guilty plea like other falsely accused men do. Like he did with the first false accusation.

He was told 4 years ago they will wait as long as possible to give him his trial. Told they know how to manipulate the jury to do what they want, and he will be found guilty even if he's not. They use my grandson as a pawn, jeopardizing his life and safety just to punish my son for not accepting a plea to something he's not guilty of.

I use to believe in our system, now I feel I've been deaf, dumb and blind to the truth all these years. There are many men in the same position, and many innocent men are jailed and have their lives destroyed by the bias and corruption in the system. Many of these men have children that are ripped forever from them, many left in the sole custody of very violent unfit mothers, as my precious grandson is. It's a horrible travesty that never should happen in America.

We've learned it's useless to hire an attorney as none want to fight for the rights of fathers/men when it's not popular to do so, thanks to laws like VAWA, and they face their own repercussions from the prosecutors and judges if they try.

It's so hard to even go on, no way to escape the terrible pain.

I hope someone reads this that may truly care what is happening to so many good men in our country (including many of our servicemen) as well as thousands of innocent children this corruption destroys. Where are the rights of the men and children in this country? It seems like there are none unless you're female. The VAWA ACT is the most biased, corrupt thing to ever happen in this country, as it eliminates the civil and human rights of an entire gender, while giving the other a license to lie and destroy with impunity.

Please let us know where we can go for help before it's too late.

Thank you,

Cecilia"


If anyone has any advice for Cecilia, please post a comment here.